Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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