I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
