There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
