Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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