i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
