Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
