so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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