You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
