Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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