"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
