I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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