When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
