im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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