He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
