watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you made out with another girl for some wings
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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