i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
