you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
