I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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