There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
