Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
