Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
