Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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