i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just googled if crying burns calories
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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