Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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