At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
