did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
