Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
