Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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