My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
