I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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