This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
