I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
