At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
