You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
