my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
