So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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