If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
