TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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