is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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