...so i touched it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
