my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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