Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
