Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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