I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
