It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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