Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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