You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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