i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
