She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
