I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The best revenge is premature balding
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
